I know I’m just reaching out to anyone and not expecting a response. But like I’ve heard someone say this before, if you never tried to ask for help, then you never will know if they will try to help you. Long story short, I’m a struggling 57 year old Male Islander from Guam that’s struggling right now trying to work and just pay bills. I’m having hip issues right now and sometimes find myself struggling to just get out of bed to go to work. I’m doing maintenance for an apartment complex here in Kent Washington. I also have a growth in my abdomen that I believe to be an umbilical hernia. I can’t afford to pay a doctor visit and haven’t been to a doctors office to confirm what the growth is. I’m struggling living paycheck to paycheck right now because I’m falling behind on my bills due to a couple of loans and credit cards that I maxed out due to funeral expenses and trips back and forth in 2024. I lost my Mother on July of 2024 and had to help out with the funeral expenses and airline expenses to fly from Washington state where I’m residing now to Guam to lay my Mother to rest. She was in Washington state at the time when she past away in a Seattle hospital due to Heart complications. So we had to fly her body back to Guam, but thankfully the flight to transport her body back home was taken care of by United Airlines because I had 2 nieces that are flight attendants for United Airlines. So that was a blessing for us. But that only covered Her and not myself. I had to pay for my tickets to and from Guam and Washington state. While I was there, my 26 year old sons Mom, whom I’m not together with anymore, reached out to me earlier in the year about what my Son was going through back in Guam. He was getting out of control due to him getting into some kind of drugs that were supposedly making him suicidal. She asked me if could please consider bringing him out here to Washington to try and take him away from what he was doing to himself. Before I got to Guam for my Mom’s funeral, my son’s mom told me that he got out of control due to the drugs he was taking that she took him to a mental health facility to try and help him out. He got very upset and yelled at her saying “if you leave me here, I’m gonna kill myself”! Since he was 26 years old, he had the right to just leave on his own, but after hearing what he had said, they told my sons mother that they would be able to keep him there for a few day for observation. Before they released him, they prescribed him medication for his depression state for after the drugs in his system were worn off. After my mother’s funeral, I decided to of course help my Son in every way possible and bring him to Washington with me to start a new life with Me and my Wife together. He continued taking his prescribe medication until it ran out and that’s why he went into a depression state again. While I was at a pool league game one Sunday, I called to check up on him to see how he was doing since he wasn’t In the mood to follow me to my game that night. He didn’t respond to the call like he normally does and that got me worried. But a few minutes later, he called me back. Come to find out, he was on the phone with the suicide hot line because he needed to talk to someone. And that’s what triggered me to take him to see someone and I was glad that his free medical insurance card came in earlier Friday the past week. So I brought him Monday the next day to a mental health clinic. And that’s was in the middle of October. So he saw a psychiatrist there and was prescribed some medication for the depression again and also was doing sessions with a psychiatrist through zoom meetings. A few weeks went by and I was seeing a change in him for the better, and thought everything was going well. Then his prescribed medication needed a refill, but my son said he was feeling better and didn’t feel that he needed the medication anymore. That’s where I feel that I made the biggest mistake of my life. We all went together to a Thanksgiving trip down to Vancouver, Washington to a cousins place for a family celebration. I noticed that my son just wasn’t in the mood to socialize with the other family members and just wanted to sit In the living room corner by himself. That’s when I knew something was wrong. But he just kept it to himself. So Monday came along which I thought was just gonna be a normal day, but little did I know, it was gonna be the worse day in my life. I left in the morning around 7:00am like I normally do Monday to Friday, then my Wife would leave around 2:30am to get to work by 3:30am. I then get a text message from my Sons mother around 1:00pm-1:15 about a text message from my Son to her saying “I Love you Mom and I always will” and then nothing else after that. Then I tried myself to call him but got no response. That’s when I got worried. My wife got off around 1:30pm and Called her to hurry home because my Son wasn’t responding to my call which was unusual. She said he was probably still sleeping. But I told her that he would always answer my calls even if he was tired or asleep. She found my Son Nicholas in the bathroom bathtub with my gun that he took out of my drawer in our bedroom. He shot himself in the head with my gun. I still can’t believe till this day that he’s gone. That was on December 2nd, 2024. The other really sad thing was that he would have been 27 on December 27. But he didn’t make it. I’m really sorry for this tragic story, but like they say, Mental Health issues are no joke. This is how I got into my situation now with my finances from my Mothers funeral expenses, then my Sons funeral expenses, with my Sons funeral expense, I had to pay the morgue expenses to prepare my so Nicks body to get flown back to Guam and travel expenses on top of previous expenses from my Mothers funeral expenses. I’m struggling now living paycheck to paycheck right now and feel that I’m getting know where. Like I’ve mentioned earlier, I’m also needing to get medical help before my condition with my hip and stomach issues. They say God is great, and I pray everyday and also go to church here in Puyallup. I know I’m just another person probably asking for help, but I’m just someone that Loves to pay it forward in anyway possible. I even willing to try and hopefully in the future get a job that would help with a mental health institution. I really hope to have any amount that can get donated to help me out will be greatly appreciated, but  if get nothing, it was worth a try. Thanks in advance and have a great evening. God Bless Always 🙏