I hate having to do this. It makes me sick to my stomach that times have gotten this hard. I am normally a private person and suffer in silence, however it's taking a toll on me to even ask for help. I am normally the one doing all I can do to help others but for some reason right now, everything I do to try to help myself, the more things land on my shoulders that keep me held back from making progress and I'm struggling mentally and physically because of it. I just can't seem to catch a break. 

First let me start off that I suffer from manic depression, ptsd, anxiety, diabetes, kidney failure and cancer cells in the lining of my stomach as of 3 years ago. I push through every single day as much as I possibly can just to make it another day. 

My partner of 13 years suffers from degenerative bone loss in his hips, spine and jaw. Hips displaysia in his left hip that he was born with so the bone structure of his body is fragile and brittle. The doctors told him that he has hips of an 80 year old man at 45 years old which will ultimately result in wheelchair bound and or hip replacement but they arent sure it can be done with how brittle his bones are now. We followed thier instructions from the specialists that were charity based in our old town down south and filed for disability for him in 2019 where the same doctors said they would fill out the forms for Social Security but yet still was denied even after appeals. 

In November 2023, I moved my partner and I, 7 hours back to my home town area to be around my family in what time I have left on this planet. In this time, I have applied everywhere that I can apply in my area to return back to work because my partner can no longer physically work which leaves it all up to me and my disability payments to do my best to make ends meet for us and our two dogs. While exhausting my resources and doing all I can, as of Feb 7th, I had to put my car in the shop to make it safe again to drive on the road. It was in the shop 4 days. I literally had to apply pressure on them by sitting in thier office to get my car back. I received every excuse in the world why my car wasn't ready as promised days before. 2 weeks later my ball joints went out, so I had a mobile mechanic come and fix those at my house. Here it is March 13th and my car has been in another shop since March 6th to repair what the first shop didn't repair that they said they did. Meanwhile I'm having to get loans to take care of all of this. Loans that I can not afford but I'll have to make it work somehow to keep me on the road to get us to appointments and around town. 

Through all of this, I had to spend what I had for rent on an emergency vet visit for my furbaby that wouldn't eat or drink for 4 days. I don't have children so my furbabies are my everything. 

After all of my car issues and the vet visit, my rent and car payment has had to be put off until I can get my car back on the road and continue my job search. Living a few miles from downtown area makes it hard for me to walk that far to get to a job. I have put in apps dang near everywhere and had a few interviews in the time that we have been here. 

All disposable funds have been exhausted and I'm not some lazy young teenager looking for a hand out. We are in our mid 40s and I'm trying to figure things out. When we moved here, we moved into a very unsafe area in the country side into a mobile home with all bills paid and you can imagine any all bills paid kind of condition for them to get and keep tenants and I'm trying to catch up again. We are just having a REALLY hard time. If we get evicted due to partial non payment, I will be on the streets with a man with major hip problems and is in constant pain daily with no medication and 2 dogs. 

I am trying so hard to hold it all together mentally, emotionally and physically of being in fear of how close we are to living our worst nightmare on the streets. All of this just hit me all at once and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I cant even afford deodorant. We are using sanitizer as deodorant right now and on our last roll of toilet paper. I don't have anything of value to sell either. 

We have reapplied for my partners disability so that's a waiting game but I have to be able to get him to his doctor visits that I can't even afford so applying for charity services for him in this area. My family is not in the best position to even help us either. So that's not an option. 

Through it all, the level of stress I am under has also caused more physical health problems upon me. More than I've already shared above. I am constantly nauseated with the constant worry. Im having lung issues that have yet to be diagnosed. I'm trying to keep pushing through to get as by as much as possible before I am unable to go any longer physically due to my own health conditions. And this terrifies me because I know that day is coming but I try not to think about that. 

If anyone can donate any amount at all or share it to your friends, please do so. I just don't know what else to do. I feel so defeated. Feel so helpless….. I have cried so much in this last week and it bothers me that I've even had to write this so publically. 

I'm behind $850 on my March rent

I'm behind on $650 on my car payment.

Any donations received will go towards those 2 things to catch them up and pay ahead on them a little bit to give me some breathing room. 

Thank you for reading. ♥  May you always be blessed.