In the coming weeks, I will begin a new treatment for my chronic, treatment-resistant depression. Treatment-resistant means that in the past, medication has been unsuccessful or produced unsatisfactory results. 

My history with depression and treatment:

Over the last 24 years, I have been prescribed at least 15 different psychiatric medications (the majority of those in the last several years) and while I have at time had progress, the medications have either hit a plateau, stopped working, or caused side effects that made me sick with vertigo, headaches, upset stomach, exhaustion, insomnia, and plenty more. 

Changing medications has caused severe distress, from withdrawal symptoms with “brain zaps” and uncontrollable crying to ending up in the ER a couple months ago with serotonin syndrome (life-threatening  condition caused by too much serotonin in the brain).

I’ve taken every class of antidepressants out there, as well as mood stabilizers, anxiety medications, and other off-label medications such as blood pressure medications to try to achieve some level of remission. I’ve also done years of therapy, which I am continuing, as well as other support groups and continuous internal work. Still, my depression and anxiety have progressed in recent years to the point where I have felt unsafe and it has greatly impacted my quality of life. Intervention has become more critical than ever.

Last summer, at the advice of my psychiatrist, I began looking into non-medical (medication) interventions for depression, because, essentially, I am out of options. From July-September, I did a round of TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), a treatment where a large magnet placed on the skull sends signals to distrupt the electrical impulses on the brain. It was very painful and stressful, requiring me to work only part-time while traveling to El Dorado Hills 5 days a week for treatment for several weeks, and, unfortunately was ineffective.

Most recently, I was placed on an MAOI medication, which is a class of drugs that is rarely used anymore because they have numerous risks including many drug interactions (even with common otc medications) and require a very restrictive diet due to the fact that they cause a build up of the amino acid Tyramine in your body that is found in many foods, and can lead to toxicity which can cause dangerously high blood pressure. There is also an increased risk of serotonin syndrome, so many herbal remedies and foods and beverages that can increase serotonin have to be avoided.

According to my psychiatrist, my other options at this point are ECT (electro convulsive therapy) or more experimental (yet highly effective) psychoactive treatments like Ketamine/esketamine.

My Hail Mary- Esketamine treatment

I share all of this background with you so you understand just how important it is to me to pursue this new treatment, even though it will cause significant impact to my life including wage loss and additional costs associated with travel and lodging. 

I am confident that this is the best option for me at this time and very hopeful that this may be the turning point in my decades-long mental health struggles. 

What is Esketamine? 

Esketamine is a drug that was created from the anesthetic Ketamine, used in hospital ERs for decades. It has psychotropic and sedative effects and is more potent that Ketamine, but is administered in low doses regularly through a nasal spray while under medical supervision in a controlled environment. 

The drug targets glutamate, the most abundant chemical messenger in the brain, and begins to work immediately rather than after weeks like most antidepressants. 

“Esketamine is a groundbreaking therapy that can provide relief from major depression within hours. ‘For the first time in 60 years, we have a new antidepressant therapy that isn’t just a spinoff of existing drugs,’ says Adam Kaplin, M.D., Ph.D., a psychiatrist with Johns Hopkins Medicine. ‘For some people, esketamine therapy is revolutionary, giving them the chance to experience life without depression for the first time in decades,‘ reads a John Hopkins University report on the drug.

In the initial drug trial, about 70% of patients had at least a 50% reduction in depression symptoms, and 50% had complete remission — they were no longer depressed. 

While it’s not the most convenient option and requires ongoing treatment, esketamine seems to be the best possible chance of recovery for me at this time. 
 

How you can help

The treatment requires me travel to Sacramento (1hr 15 minute drive without traffic) twice a week, stay for a 2.5 hour appointment, and I will not be able to drive for 12 hours afterwards or be able to work on those days. I don’t know how it will impact me on the days in between treatment yet, but my doctor did suggest going on temporary disability during the initial 2 month treatment period. Whether I do that or not, this will result in a loss of income and increased travel costs as well as possibly hotel stays. I am looking into rideshare options but so far, I can only get roses to and from Amador County, and would still need to find transportation home to Mokelumne Hill, possibly late at night. Living in this rural area I am not sure I will be able to find an Uber/taxi or public transportation option that will work, but I am still looking into all possible options.

I anticipate an income loss of $800-$1,000 a month on disability (at the estimated rate of 60% of my income from the last 18 months) plus the initial waiting period of about three weeks before I would receive any pay. If I am able to continue working part time, I will still have an income loss of the same, if not more. Obviously getting a hotel 2x a week for two months (and once a month going forward ) would be quite costly, so I am looking for alternatives but do have to consider my dog, who can not be left at home alone all day and overnight. So, a hotel may be the best option if I can’t find transportation, and that will add another $1600+ to my initial treatment period.

My most pressing need is financial, though I may need extra support with rides or places to stay during this time.  I appreciate any way you can support me in my journey to healing! ❤️

Marie-Elena