I want to say I'm a mistakes, I have been wrong and I made decisions that weren't always the greatest. But I didn't ever think that some of the choices that I made would leave me to where I am today. When you are a mother all you think about is protecting your child from everything bad in this world. I'm not ever thought that I would have to protect my child from the person who helped me create my child but that is something I do everyday. I did not ask to be done the way I was done by my son's father. My son will be two in February and he is only seeing brief moments of his dad showing me love and care. But Mass majority of the time he has seen his dad abuse me degrade me dehumanize me humiliate me. As a mother one of the hardest things is to watch your infant literally be terrified of everything and everyone because they don't know anything outside of chaos. And when I noticed that my child was different when he wasn't around his dad versus when he was I knew them that no matter how scared I was I had to find a way out. And even though we no longer live in that situation I still live in fear. Because it doesn't stop just because you get out of the situation as long as there is a way to reach out and contact you they will. The law has been involved charges has been charged and still it doesn't stop. I've had jobs since leaving my son's father but employers don't want to keep you in your late to work because you're not sleeping at night you're only getting a few hours of sleep and then by the time you close your eyes it's time to get back up and go to work. Is that your physically emotionally and mentally exhausted and because you don't want to tell your employer about your past and you try to make them excuses it's something you can keep your job or when you try to tell your employer what's going on they look at you and tell you that your problem not theirs because I've had both. So I am reaching out and asking for help which is something that I have a hard time doing. But here it is Christmas time and I have no idea how I'm going to make Christmas possible for my son and as a mother that hurts because all I want to do is protect him and give me the best possible life I can give him. So in writing this and giving just a little backstory on mind and my son's life that maybe there's still people who can find it in their hearts to lend a helping hand. 

Sincerely, A mother who's made mistakes but wants better for her son