Hi my name is Candy and I'm from Oklahoma. 

I'm in trouble because I said from depression but in the last years significantly worse. 

Now at the point where I'm afraid to leave the house or so depressed I can't unless I absolutely have to. And even then it needs to be dark outside for me to feel even remotely comfortable. 

Because of this I can't work anymore. Any money that I had saved is completely gone. 

Now at a point where I can't take care of myself financially let alone just take care of myself as far as self-care.  I promise I'm not trying to give a sob story. I'm just trying to explain why I am where I'm at I guess. If you don't suffer from depression I guess it could be hard to understand why people can't just snap out of it.  I used to be better. 

I have an electric bill that I absolutely cannot pay. I have exhausted all of extensions that I can with PSO my electric company. 

I don't have family and friends with money. I don't even know if anyone will ever even see this in time. But I couldn't go through the night without doing something. Asking for help is something I've never really done. Specially something like this. But I don't know what to do. 

I got my recertification for my food stamps late so now I don't have those either. I have had friends help me with food thank goodness and dog food for my William he's my dog my baby my boy my everything my reason for living. 

I've begun the application for mental disability. But until then I don't know how to live I don't know what to do. I have so many many needs for money right now for food and dog food and toilet paper and shampoo and the laundromat . But my immediate need is to get my electric bill not cutoff. Things in life are just really really hard for me now. I try to be ok but it's like it gets worse all the time.  II used to be a really fun girl. I used to go to the lake and go places with my friends and my family I used to do nice things for other people because it is so fun. Now my days consist of sitting in a dark apartment, putting my phone on do not disturb hoping that nobody wants to talk to me hoping that nobody calls because then I would be forced to open my mouth.  Wondering how normal people go out in the daylight and be social and go shopping and go out to eat and laugh and talk and have experiences. Because when I think about that all I feel is dread. I cannot even imagine being forced to do those things. Because home and darkness is safe. 

Home is the only safe  place that I want to be. And now I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose that. I don't know of anybody will ever read this and I don't know if I'll get help but like I said I had to do something. I had to try. 

Even if you're just reading this and you don't donate just say a prayer for me. That in time maybe all of this will let up a little bit. That I will find and get the help that I need. And maybe one day I can be the candy that I used to be. Because I really really miss her.