Doing my best to make a very long story short and to the point. So, thank you for taking time to read. In March 2023, after years of being together (off and on) we finally made the right decision and got married under God's oath. Getting our lives straight. 9 short days later, my new husband shot himself (6 inches away from me) and passed away. Ever since that dreadful day, I've been in a living hell. Many lessons taught to me yet the grief and utter sadness over took my life. While I can say I will never harm myself ever, I also wake up everyday pissed off at God for waking me up. I became ill after his death, yet noone could tell me why. I sat with my mom and told her I was dying of a broken heart and stress/depression. I felt my body shutting down. Fast forward 2.5 yrs to current day. I have recently been hospitalized for 2 weeks, I have numerous doctors/specialist as a care team guiding me through the scariest time of my life. I have heart failure, nodules on my lungs (possibly cancer), an autoimmune disease, amongst a host of other medical issues, and my depression has taken a deeper dive into hell. Im 38 and until now was decently healthy. The other day I got out of breath making a cup of chocolate milk, wow. I can't work anymore and do have a pending disability app. I have family support for my daily needs but this is where I need help. I don't ask for help, im the helper so this is tough. I need to get enough funds to cover 2 months of my expenses (car, phone, medicine, ect) so I can go to an inpatient mental health hospital. Im doing everything I can for my other medical issues but my mental health is struggling I must admit. My youngest daughter will graduate high school this May. She now lives 9 hrs from me but I will be damned if I miss her walking that stage no matter how sick I am. I fear if i dont get help soon, I wont make it much longer. My way isnt working. So, please help me. Know I will pay the blessings forward, I just need a little help. I'll gladly take prayers as well. I appreciate you!