Hi, 1st id like to thank you for the time you are giving me to read this story so I promise to keep it short and to the point. I am a Cincinnati Ohio girl born and raised moved to Somerset 4 years ago this month of September to allow me the time to heal and expect that being as single mom of a biological college freshman and to have been granted kinship of very young foster sisters that where both born extremely addicted to heroin and had lost their mom to an overdose and father to prison been raped by and older step brother and never lived in a clean healthy stable environment after trying desperately for over a year to give them a fresh start I failed then as well and had to hand my custody back over to the state. That was the year of the virus, my daughter started college I had been promoted to a manager position that consumed almost 90 hours weekly of my time gotten a divorce filled bankruptcy bought a new car moved in with my mother too help her out trying to plan a move to Florida to help my dad who was offering an amazing position of free home to live in just keep it safe and taken care of because hos wife works as a travel nurse so it's empty all but a month a year. So while getting my job to transfer me and my daughter settled in campus and with daily life I gotten a call from CPS asking for my help to home these girls till the grandma could prove her health was stable to raise them. I hadn't officially gotten my foster license yet because of my living situation so they said kinship will be granted because of the situation and the girls didn't need separated at that time and no foster families was willing to open there doors for both girls since they were not in great mental state amd needed intensive care for several months. So I left work And drove out to the county they were living in and picked up sweet Rin Tin who had just finished 1st grade for the 2nd time and little bit tater mater who just got done with kindergarten. Both had not been given a bath for who knows how long they was extremely underweight there clothes where dirty and was old and tatterd, both had dead and alive bed bugs on them. I took them to my friends house not far from there her family is all sheriff's so it's always a safe place to go. A little inside scoop the girls came from a home with a family of well known felony's that didn't care about the laws. Guns and drugs where there everyday norm and they felt like I had stepped on there toes for accepting to take these girls into my home to help keep them together. So my friends house was just a little breathing moment to breathe and take in the last few hours of that day had my not fully let it all hit it happen so fast. So we bathed them and put clean clothes on them feed them till they couldn't eat another bite then started the journey home only to realize I hadn't spoken to my mom just let so she wasn't aware of me coming home that evening with 2 little girls that was about to change oor life's forever.

Fast-forward to about a year later there I was having a break down in the court room because after that year I just wasn't able to say yes to being granted full custody of the girls and it was something I thought was going be the death of me. I've just recently been able to speak of them without crying and seeing pictures of still difficult but I can keep it at a minimum to tears before I have to tell myself to find something else to keep my mind busy with. 

Being kinship I wasn't offered anything financially to help me but food stamps and insurance was covered for them. Daycare was not in my price range but I had to end up leaving my manger position anyways because 90 hours weekly isn't logical for a single mom basically. So after pay cut of a nice salary to barley bringing home after taxes 100 weekly cleaning homes and the nice car payment I had gotten just before the call from CPS plus setting my daughter up at college still helping my mom out and taking care of amd providing for 2 girls that had nothing the day I brought them home I ended up using my cleared credit from bankruptcy to survive on which ended in almost 20,000$ by the end of the year, started losing work when the vires started hitting us all, really had the time dealing with the family of these girls who knew I wasn't big on conflict and followed the law really enjoyed pushing my buttons, showing up all hours even though they wasn't allowed constantly getting calls form prison threatening me if I didn't let them go, my mom's mental health started getting the best of her while she started going through a break up with her fiance, my brother who was struggling moved in from out of state life wasn't going so well for me amd I was starting to feel overwhelmed and my patience wasn't going great. I ended up losing my car to the bank my job went completely under the vires was going strong and my home situation was rough. So I decided I could not continue. After court I wasn't sure how to put everything in prospective. I started beating myself up bad drinking became a daily thing and I'm My living situation worsened. I ended up moving out which resulted in being homeless. After a year of dealing with life being very unstable I ended up making the move to Somerset with the thought of having a new start and time to heal get back into the swing of things stop drinking and become stable again. 

Instead though life through a huge lesson my way. Showed me that just because you're friends with someone and there family for 10 years you don't actually know them. Actions are proof of how someone is and just because you won't do that to someone does not mean other people won't. Putting trust into others needs to be earned not given. And there unfortunately really is all the things in this world that you heard of. Not all people are good and God will show you repeatably till you learn the lesson. And rock bottom is sometimes the place you hit before waking up to realize that you are important and matter. Stop people pleasing for people who just see you for what you can do for them. Set boundaries and keep them forced. Don't bend over backwards trying desperately to make other people happy and mke there life as easy as possible all while there doing nothing in return but hurting you or enjoying your suffering. And then when you realize OMG I invested what little I had into something that's fake, toxic and definitely not a healthy environment. 

This was supposed to be a new beginning a fresh start but it just wasn't my time yet I wasn't ready. But I can assure you that I am now ready. Ready to be able to appreciate all the things I have had before that was taken for granted, Ready to focus all this time and energy on me to start my journey of becoming the best version of me mentally and physically. I want to get into therapy and work on my self-love self respect and be fully aware of my own self needs and wants for once. I have always put my health and well being on the back burner for others. Done without never said no always taking care of any one but me. My biological daughter has since graduated college married am amazing man and had my 1st grandbaby Murphie Mae in January. They live almost 5 hours away and I've only been able to visit 3 times so far.  I'm trying to leave this situation I'm in but at my age and with aa knee replacement overdue, also 2 other surgeries I've been putting off till I'm in a safer environment one is a back surgery the other is my kidney's have issues since birth and in need of my 3rd surgery there. Unfortunately walking doesn't work. Trust me I've tried multiple times. And only after walking about a 24 hour period my knee goes out and I'm down. I have no family here and with the isolation and control here I've not made any friendships. Sometimes leaving the house is so few and far in between I'm noticing social anxiety becoming a problem. I'm not asking for people to pity me or to feel sorry for me. I'm also not playing victim either I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did and I should of left when the opportunity was there. But I didn't. Tooke some time to understand why. Which now I know and I'm fully aware of what causes you to stay or come back. I've learned that you are effected by things that's happened to you and your child hood does play such a huge part of your adult life. Why I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong this entire time I know understand. And know what needs done. But I can't fix it while being in a unhealthy place I desperately need a car. A way out. A way to get the help of a therapist and to be closer to my daughter and granddaughter. People who have real love real respect and truly want to see me become a better me. A happy healthy and healing me. I'll be happy to live inside my car it'll be heaven compared to the hell I'm currently in. So I ask you this. If you have any old clunker car that does run or any kind of donation to offer to help me out I'm not asking for anything fancy by any means. I'm just looking for something that I can safely sleep in, something to get me away from this area and towards my daughter something I can use to get back into working again. Just need a little help. I'm a hard worker definitely not lazy always had a job and was able to survive. But as I sit today. I have to beg for all my needs. Even needs that are behond my control. Never thought id be left to go without female products, something to drink or eat transportation or human decency. I'm punished more now at 45 then when I was a teenager. Life isn't good these days. And only got worse by the day. I'm a strong person who isn't ready to give up. I know what I have to offer this world I know what I'm being made to feel about myself is not true. I also know I need a way out. I know this isn't a place of love or even a place to feel safe. I know depression is real and I've dealt with it before and it's been coming on strong these days. Feelings of hopelessness have tried knocking as well. But deep down I feel like this isn't over. This isn't where my story ends. I'm not allowing this person anymore of me to destroy. I'm going to show me and then that God will guide me back to where I'm meant to be. He just needed me to be able to appreciate accept and to fully embrace what he's got in-store for me. I wasn't ready before. I'm still not 100% there. But I know freeing myself from this prison and being able to become a person of society again healing from this trauma life is about to become one huge blessing. And I'm ready to accept it. Thanks in advance for your help. Even if it's a quick prayer it's something more than helpful. 🙏