Cancer sucks! We all know that, but I don’t think it can be said enough. Unfortunately, everyone thoughtful enough to read this letter likely either knows someone who has been affected by this awful disease or is going through/has gone through the struggle themselves. So, I’ll say it again…cancer sucks!

January 18, 2025 marked the 9th anniversary of when I first found out I had cancer. Nine years! On one hand, I feel blessed that I’m still here nine years later to write this letter. On the other hand, I think about the daily struggle that I have endured for the past 3,400 days (and counting) and truly wonder how I’ve had the strength to push forward. In that time, I’ve watched countless others join the battle and win (which I am forever grateful for) and others that wrapped up their journey in the worst way possible, with cancer taking them from us.

I’ve watched my amazing wife struggle by my side for every year, month, day, hour, minute and second of these 9+ years. My beautiful children…they have grown up with cancer being such a huge part of their lives and although I hate the fact that they have endured as much as they have, I try to find the silver lining and focus on how strong they will be in life, having struggled by my side all these years. I hope my journey has taught them that no challenge is too big. If you have the right mindset and truly believe you will win, you will. I love my family dearly and can only say “thank you for everything” and “I’m sorry for all that I’ve put you through.”

I’ve always said that the best compliment that I can get from someone is when they tell me, “Every time I see you, you have a huge smile on your face. I would never know you are battling cancer.” I take pride in that, as I know mental health is just as important as physical health. If you don’t keep your mind right, your body will suffer. It’s been a challenge, and one that I have not always won, but every time I get that compliment from someone, I know I’m winning…cancer hasn’t got the best of me yet.

Stage IV means that I will never reach the finish line I want. When I took on Stage III in 2016, I had a target to strive for. I knew that after radiation and chemotherapy in the Spring, major surgery in the Summer and grueling chemotherapy in the Fall/Winter, that I would come out on top. And I did…for a short period of time it looked like I had won, but that celebration ended abruptly when I found out the cancer had metastasized to my liver and I would live the remainder of my life, however long that will be, as a Stage IV warrior.

So, I continue on, getting my treatments every 28 days. As tumors progress, like they did in May of 2024, I take more aggressive steps. Major surgery is never fun, and comes with a slew of risks, but if I’m going to push forward and be here for as long as I can, these are the steps I need to take. I fight for those around me…my family and friends who have done so much for me over the past nine+ years; they deserve every ounce of fight I have in me. I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my corner, and as much as I want to be here for myself, most of my energy is spent making sure I’m here for them. For everyone that falls on that impressive list, I love you all!

So, as I sit here today, crafting my thoughts, I find myself at a crossroads. Cancer has stolen so much from me. Daily pain and discomfort, I feel sick just about every day of the year. Even though I shouldn’t have to, I frequently remind myself that we made the move from Wisconsin to Florida for a reason. Yes, it was to link up with an oncologist who specializes in the rare neuroendocrine liver metastasis that I have, but it was also for a bigger reason…to live life. It hasn’t been easy. We left our oldest child in Wisconsin, as he builds his life with his new bride, and although I am so grateful that two of my kids were able to join us in Florida, it hurts to be away from him more than any physical pain cancer can bring. Financially, we took a huge leap, and although we love everything we have, the thought of ever being able to stop working and enjoy whatever remaining days I have left is not really a consideration. Our best intentions of living in this “endless Summer” looked good on paper, but aside from a handful of opportunities to really live life to the fullest down here, our dreams are somewhat temporarily on hold.

I guess, at the end of the day, what I’m trying to say is, “I’m tired.” Tired of the battle. Tired of the energy required to keep my head up. Tired of the fulltime job that battling cancer is. Constant appointments, scans, tests, treatments and procedures. Answering the same questions over and over, only to be in the same situation each and every day. Keeping it all organized, making sure we don’t miss anything, battling the insurance company to ensure they cover as much as possible, reviewing finances to make sure we don’t ever fall too far behind. Like I said, it’s a fulltime job.

It is in this moment that I must swallow my pride. One of my biggest faults is that I never want to ask for help. There are others out there that have it so much worse than I do, and that fact alone typically precludes me from ever shining a light on my situation. But, as mentioned, I’m at a crossroads. I just don’t have the energy anymore and I have an overwhelming desire to do what I came to Florida to do…live. Anyone can simply exist in this world, but I want to live. I want to do all the things that I came here to do. I want to spend my remaining days, appreciating what an amazing world we live in and give back to my wife a small portion of all that she has given me throughout or marriage, but especially over the past nine+ years.

So, with a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach, I humbly ask for your support. Support for the dreams I have yet to realize. Support to create as many long-lasting memories as possible with my family before I go. Support for the opportunity to write an inspiring final chapter to a novel coauthored by cancer.

For those that made it to the end, thank you…I truly appreciate it.

With Love,

Matt