Do I have Cancer like my mother and father???? Will my children watch me slowly wither away like I’m watching my mom and dad? Is something from 19 years ago coming back to haunt me? 
Here is my story…

I am a mother of 3 daughters and I have been married for 23 years. After my daughters became teenagers I went back to college and I was working multiple jobs. At one point I was doing great! Until I wasn’t. I was awake for multiple days cramming schoolwork, cleaning, cooking, working just all became too much…Where Do I begin?… in 2021 I had 2 self-deletion attempts. After I left the hospital from Cardiac ICU, I immediately was seen by Circles of Care and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I did well for a couple years until my physical health tanked. My body would get really sore and it became hard to function. I was in and out of the hospital. My legs would swell and for a few months I lost control of my bowels and had to wear a diaper. None of the doctors I was seeing could tell me what was happening to my body. I left work out of embarrassment not knowing how my bowels would act. I seen a gastroenterologist and was diagnosed with IBS. She said there were other underlying issues that needed to be investigated by doctors. I had a couple good months so I went back to work. That’s when a lot of disaster happened. The job I found was the worst mistake I made. My health started to tank again and I was in training to be an assistant manager. I was basically running the store as my boss was never in. Once again, I was in and out of the hospital. Legs and body swelling and the pain came back. My job relied on me so much and I had a hard time saying no, to anyone for that matter. I had a nasty fall at work and had to see a doctor and was put on restrictions. Because my boss was never there, I had to take on her duties or she would stop in and assign me duties. The problem is, most of these duties went against doctors restrictions and she knew it. I would tell her that I was in a lot of pain but It didn’t matter. It had to be done by either me or her. She knew I was financially drowning. I lost my insurance and was doing self-pay at my primary care. The payday loans I was taking out just kept piling up. My husband also took out personal loans to help cover bills when I was out of work. We were being crushed by our debt. We would both work all week and had to pay our payday loans and other loans. We would reborrow the money and other loans would take that money too. During this time my primary care provider sent me to a hematologist at the cancer center. She ordered bloodwork and when the results came in we had a sit down with my husband. My bones were producing too many platelet. Because of the inflammation in my body, my body wasn’t absorbing any iron, B12, or folate. She immediately set me up with a team of doctors and ordered more tests. I had to see a gastrointestinal, a gynecologist, a cardiologist (I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy after my self-deletion attempt), she ordered a mammogram, a CT scan of my lungs with contrast, and more blood work. She prescribed me folic acid 1mg to be taken daily, she ordered B12 shots for the first 4 weeks and then every month and I was supposed to start iron infusions. The first doctor I seen was a gynecologist. I had a paps smear. The doctor said I had lesions on my cervix so they did some swabs of my cervix. When the results came back, I tested positive for the highest risk cells for cervical cancer… I really feared this because 19 years prior when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter I had a paps smear result that had abnormal precancerous cells. I was scared because here I had 3 smalls girls and I was scared of getting bad news like that when I had to be a mother to 3 daughters all under the age of 5. So here was the past to haunt me 19 years later. The gynecologist scheduled me for a colposcopy and biopsy. I’ve not been able to go back. We are drowning in so much debt that we live day by day just to figure out what’s for dinner. My health has had to take a serious back seat. I’m still carrying on and going to work every day. I have an attorney for my two falls at work. Yes, two! My manager was working me to the bone. When I had my doctors appointmenta my district manager said they needed someone with more availability. So, they brought in this new girl and gave her my spot I had been training for. I had to swi stores because the day after my company got served, multiple people called corporate on me and lied. I suspect that my manager had friends call and lie because the allegations were outrageous. I told My district manager that they were not true, I cried my eyes out to her promising her that I would never say anyt like what I was being accused of. I told her to look at the timing of the calls and just notice how they came the next day after the company was served. Anyways, I’m at a new store and waiting for January for the court date so anyone can hear my story. I don’t know how it’s going to go. I keep praying and holding onto hope that somehow I will receive a miracle to get me out of this nightmare. My body is tired. So is my heart and mind. My mom had endometrial cancer, had a hysterectomy, did chemo and radiation. She went into remission and then it came back. Now she is 74lbs and withering away. My dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. He did chemo and radiation and went into remission. His cancer did come back and he was due to start chemo and radiation again and then my 18 year old brother was executed by the neighbor in his backyard. Now he refuses to go back to the doctor and get any treatment. I’m just watching it take my parents. I just want answers. When I first started talking with my hematologist at the cancer center she was trying to figure out why my blood was Thrombocytosis and leukocytosis and why my white blood count was trough the roof. She initially wanted to started testing for blood disorders, blood and bone cancers, any cancer so she could order PET scans to see where it has spread to. I’ve been holding onto hope for so long and crying for anyone to hear me. I might not receive any help but my story is out there. Maybe some advice for anyone that reads this, if you get a cancer scare, don’t wait almost 20 years when your body starts giving up on you. Thanks for reading.