When JRjr was in 8th grade, he woke up to his Dad dead on October 14.  He had died overnight from a unknown heart condition, on the bed in the room that they shared. JRjr tried to roll him over, but he was too heavy - and it was too late.

At the time, I was JRjr's public middle school teacher.

The moment that I learned of his Dad, big JR’s, death, I said aloud, “My life will never be the same.”  And that has proven absolutely true.

Just that previous Spring, JRjr's half-sister had died of a drug overdose, and so I knew that this would be no less than a tipping point.

At his Dad's funeral, there were countless heartfelt speeches which led me to believe that folks would be there to support JRjr.  I was hopeful that there would be a village to wrap their arms around him.  That has proven almost entirely untrue.

The other side of his family has their own challenges, and so there is little that can be relied on in terms of their support or stability.

Over the course of the past 2 years, JRjr has faced housing instability, food insecurity, not to mention the stress of transitioning to high school coupled with an adolescent brain.  The obstacles seem to just keep coming.  But, to be honest, the one constant in his life has been me. 

At some point, I asked my Principal if what I was doing were “wierd.”  She described it as “rare."  She also gave me a touching book, An Invisible Thread, that tells a not-so-different tale of a woman named Laura and her chosen son Maurice.  The biggest different being that Laura was a well-funded NYC sales-rep.  But I digress…

JRjr is now a Sophomore in high school.  During Fall he performs as a star on the football team.  This Spring, he will be a star on the Track team.  In this Winter off-season, he is building his endurance, strength and speed at the local gym.  He is following a sprint workout plan with extreme precision and passion.  In this way, JRjr exhibits impressive and unique grit when it comes to his physical health.

On the mental health front, school continues to be an area of struggle…  Even just getting out of bed for school in the morning is a daily struggle.  I know this because when I arrive to pick him up 7:40am daily, on more than half of the days he cannot make it out of the house.  Even though my car is right there.

With Mom's permission, I have taken on the responsibility of a parental delegate via a POA, which permits me to be involved in JRjr's educational and medical needs and decision making.

I have helped JRjr establish a relationship with a primary care provider, get his childhood vaccinations.  Through our free community healthcare provider, JRjr was seen by a Psychiatrist and diagnosed with major depression & ADHD.  My dentist has taken JRjr on as his patient, pro bono - that's after a year of giving JRjr's smile a (necessary) fresh new look via Invisalign - pro bono.  So, there has been some hope and some help.

Unfortunately, his 16 year old self is not yet ready to accept therapies, nor medication, to help him through this time.  His principles & grit gets the best of him – he thinks he can do it himself, and who am I to “make him.”  So, there is that.

I carry a second job at our local sports arena, so that I have a fund for JRjr. And so that I, to the extent I am able, do not pull from my own family's public-teacher budget.  We are raising a 15 year old ourselves.  But JRjr needs groceries. He deserved clean clothing, and to go to the movies now and then.  His physical well being has transferred to his grocery list – shifting from Takis and Hot Pockets to prioritizing fruits, vegetables & protein.  It's honestly all from within, and it's remarkable to witness.

I only wish his Dad were here to see this growth in him.

I continue to drive JRjr where he needs and wants; to take him to haircuts and appointments.  Thus, gas is an expense I incur without question, because I believe that every kid deserves a parent/caregiver who is at their beckon call – yet sometimes not.  But Mom doesn't have a car, and so I am his driver.   

All this to say, it is Christmas next week.  JRjr wants 2 things: air pods and a speed pull.  The air pods are to listen to music while he works out - and the speed pull is to offer resistance to his body while it is training on the track.  And then as far as I would like – JRjr will continue to need groceries; and I will continue to be at his beckon call (as time permits).  But I live in a different city than he, only 11 miles away, but it all adds up.  And I will move heaven and earth to make it add up, to provide JRjr with a childhood as normal as can be expected considering the circumstances.

So in this season of giving, I humbly ask for your generosity.  The sled pull costs $159.99 on Amazon (https://shorturl.at/PciAj), not including the weights…100 pounds of barbel plates cost $85.49 (https://shorturl.at/8IlIm).  Apple air pods are about $200 but can be found on sale for cheaper - and knock-offs are far less expensive.

The gas and groceries are endless for this growing boy, who is proud that he can now press “215,” but will be unsatisfied until he hits “220.”  I have learned that until he is 18, in Wisconsin he is unable to be considered an emancipated minor, which would allow him to apply for SNAP food benefits independently.  And he balks at the idea of eating from a food pantry - bougie, certainly….but how do you tell a kid it’s all he’s got?  We did get him a state-offered grant so that he can take driver's ed - another thing on his horizon.

Frankly, I don't feel comfortable putting this ask out to my own village – many of my friends have offered a $50 grocery or gift card here & there, which has come at opportune times and is always kind.  But my commitment to JRjr is not one of “here & there” – and so here I hope to cast a wider net, to perhaps pull at the heartstrings of folks who I don't know personally. 

I have integrity - I am a career educator in urban Wisconsin. If it receipts that you would like to see, I will provide those. Perhaps you’d like pictures of the tools & toys being used, of a healthy grocery store haul - I’m more than happy to send along to show you the fruits of your generosity…

So why do I ask here?  Because, probably not too dissimilar to JRjr's reasons for not yet wanting to engage in therapy or try medication or eat expired food from a pantry (he’s right, it is expired), it's really, really hard to ask for help.  But I need help, and I humbly ask for your's.

Amy Clements

Madison, WI