Since January I have been struggling with severe depression. Within the last year or so I've had a lot of hardships and traumatic events happen from my nephew passing away, my youngest sister getting diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatitis cancer, my car engine blowing and needing replaced, my mother in law who we are her caretakers needing more care due to continuous seizures. I rescued a cat who I didn't know was pregnant, and with all the animal shelters in my area being full and our humane society at max capacity It was a struggle to find homes. I had never had a car before and did not realize they go into heat so quickly and needless to say she got pregnant again while still nursing. I had allot of people say they were interested in adopting a cat, but only one person followed through and adopted one kitten out of 7 from the first litter. It was my stupidity and lack of responsibility for not getting her fixed, and she got pregnant a 3rd time. It became so over whelming and I felt completely hopeless. Luckily I was able to find a rescue who took the kittens from the 3rd litter, and was able to find homes for all but 2 cats from the 2nd litter, and unfortunately since adult cats aren't cute have not been able to re-home the 7 cats remaining, even up to today. My boyfriend was painting his mom's bathroom and stepped on a chair outside to yell into me to throw out shed keys to him and fell backwards and fell on a piece of rebar sticking out of the ground, which went 9" in his back next to his spine. He was rushed into the ER, where they took an X-ray pulled it out and bandaged him up. He was released in less than an hour, and admittingly through hospital staff later because he was uninsured. He went back to the hospital 5 days later because he couldn't breathe, and come to find out they had punctured his lung when removing the rebar and didn't do a follow up X-ray to make sure they didn't cause damage. He was in the ICU for a few weeks. I had let some family live with me, one particular family member moved out after almost a month and shortly later went to prison. My family elected to me store his belongings because I had a basement and garage and no kids. That turned into a nightmare because this family member is toxic and would constantly short of threaten me that nothing better happen to his stuff. When he got out admitting later he lied about scenarios to get my reaction, which in turn created problems for me and my relationship. My boyfriends family has been spreading rumors and lies about us, and around the same time I was getting message after message from fake accounts calling me fat and saying my boyfriend was cheating. My family began to do things and post on Facebook and would never invite me, which made me begin to feel left out and isolated. My father raped me when I was 16 twice, and I've recently decided to reach out to him to offer forgiveness because the hate I've carried for him for 22 years has consumed me. He's not constantly trying to rekindle a relationship and I didn't know how hard it would affect me. I got divorced in 2021 after being in a very abusive marriage for 9 years. He began stalking and threatening me in December, and unfortunately the police said they couldn't do anything until am actual crime had been committed. 

And there's more….. All these things in such a short time took its toll on me mentally and I began to get severely depressed. I had been teleworking since COVID and January 16th was told to report to site to work for 2 weeks. Here we are almost September and I'm still working on site because I haven't been able to work a full 2 weeks, I haven't even been able to work a full week to be honest. I'm either in a hopeless state that consumed me and I should just sit and feel paralyzed, or when I was able to go to work would bawl the entire time. It felt so deep inside me I honestly felt like I would never stop feeling this way. I begged everyone I could think of for help, including on Facebook and my work, and just kept being told “well if you go to work that will help relieve the financial stress”. I was aware of that, but I needed mental help. Eventually it became so bad I once with no intent to commit suicide took half a bottle of melatonin without thinking of the consequences and woke up 3 days later. 2 months ago I consciously took an entire bottle of Xanax and a couple handfuls of melatonin to try and end it because it became unbearable. Obviously someone intervened and I woke up in the hospital where I was placed on a suicide hold. 

I took out a title loan to get by a few months back and have exhausted all other resources. I have no retirement left, used up all my savings, and have no support system like family or friends that can help any longer. My mental health has began to make huge improvements to where I'm able to half way function, but now am struggling with trying to get caught up from the hole I dug myself into. Most times I don't have gas to get to work, which leads me to have a half paycheck, in which I have to determine which bill is most important at that time. Which is why I'm on here now. I've reached out and applied at every place that offers assistance in my area with no luck. I have not paid this months rent and my landlord informed me that this will be the last time he can waive late fees which are $25 a day after the 3rd day. I am unable to pay this months rent. My last check went to my title loan, laundry soap, gas to get to work and the remainder I need for car tags. I get paid again next Friday, but if I do not use it to pay September rent on time will be faced with$700 late fees for the month. 

I'm in a repetitive cycle, and without help this one time will most likely never get out of it. The money I'm asking for is for my rent for this month which is $900, money for my gas which got shut off, for a payment towards my water so it doesn't get shut off because I honestly haven't paid it for most of this year and it's almost $600. And to hopefully pay off my title loan. Even if my full request cannot be met I'm hoping at least for help with my rent, so I do not become homeless. 

I understand that this is not an emergency line someone who lost a family member they depended on for financial stability. I'm aware that if I'm struggling so bad I should not have pets, let alone the amount I have. Trust me I don't want this many at all struggling or not. I did have homes for 2 of them with my mom in Nash Oklahoma. They were there for about 2 weeks and after desperately pleading with my family to tell me they were ok I drove down there to find out they had been let out the second my mom got home, ended up running separate ways. One cat was in a neighbor's tree meowing and from what we were told was up there for a week. The other under my moms house. After finding them, they were nothing but bones and fur. They were clearly scared and hungry, lonely and after an hour of trying to show them we came to help they finally let us pet them. I brought them back home that night. If you're an animal lover, or even just someone who can empathize you'd understand that even tho they're animals they have feelings, and depend on us to care for and protect them. I can't just give them away, especially if I'm unsure they're happy and safe. I'd honestly rather suffer myself and make sure they're fed and safe than to have my life easier. If I can find them a great home I will happily do so, but I'm not going to have them be the ones to suffer because I was irresponsible getting the mom fixed, and won't use the reason I didn't know I never had a pet before justify my lack of responsibility, even tho it is the reason I chose not to, to begin with. I'm aware that I could of went to work and dealt with how I was feeling later. I tried. I've dealt with depression my entire life, but what I've struggled with lately is far different. 

Im hoping by being honest, even for the parts that don't shine a very bright light on me that this will reach someone who is able and willing to help. I don't live luxuriously, and have been selling what stuff I've been able to. If you want proof of bills or pay stubs or anything I will gladly provide them. Thank you for reading my long a** post lol